A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked.
"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked.
"Yes I do." she replied.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
"Yes I remember."
"Do you remember your father when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said.'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail'?"
"Yes I do", she replied.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, " You know I would have gotten out today."
http://www.jokesgallery.com/joke.php?joke=1328&id=1
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Joke - $350 room
Nice Hotel
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Atlanta to New York. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they decide to stop at a nice hotel and take a room. They only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk explains that $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager.
The manager enters the conversation and explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which were available for the husband and wife to use. He also explains that they could have taken in one of the shows which the hotel is famous for. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," explains the manager.
No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!"
The manager is unmoved. Eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and hands it to the manager. "But sir," the managers says, "this check is only made out for $100."
"That's right," replies the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."
"What! I didn't sleep with your wife!" exclaims the manager.
"Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."
Collection by source
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Atlanta to New York. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they decide to stop at a nice hotel and take a room. They only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk explains that $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager.
The manager enters the conversation and explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which were available for the husband and wife to use. He also explains that they could have taken in one of the shows which the hotel is famous for. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," explains the manager.
No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!"
The manager is unmoved. Eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and hands it to the manager. "But sir," the managers says, "this check is only made out for $100."
"That's right," replies the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."
"What! I didn't sleep with your wife!" exclaims the manager.
"Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."
Collection by source
Joke - The Miracle
The policeman signals to an car driver to pull over to the side of the road, due to the fact that he appears to be driving erratically. He says to the driver, "You appear to have been drinking!" The driver answers, "No sir, I am just tired." The policeman looks into the car and notices that the driver is a priest! He also notices that there is an empty bottle on the floor. He says to the driver, "What is, or should I say was in this bottle? The driver answers, "Water!" The policeman says, "It is not, it's wine!" The driver looks up to the heavens and says, "Oh Lord, you have done it again!"
Collection by source
Collection by source
Joke - Never Been With A Woman
An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never been with a woman. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad. She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian outback. They end up getting married. On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner. "What happened?" she asks. "I've never been with a woman," he says, "but if it's anything like a kangaroo, I'm gonna need all the room I can get."
Collection by source
Collection by source
Joke - The Cannibal
A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu... Tourist: $5.00 Broiled Missionary: $10.00 Fried Explorer: $15.00 Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00 The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, “Why such a price difference for the Politicians?” The cook replied, “Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of crap, it takes all morning.”
Collection by source
Collection by source
Joke - Little Guy
There was a little dude and he walked into an elevator. standing next to him was a huge dude. The huge dude turned and said to the little dude .. " before you ask me any quesitons im just gonna tell you the answers to what people usaully ask me .. im 7'2" 375 lbs 2lbs left testicle 2lbs right testical 15" penis and my name is Turner Brown." then little dude looks at the big dude in horror and the big dude says " whats the matter? all i did was tell you that im 7'2" 375 lbs 2lbs left testicle 2lbs right testical 15" penis and my name is turner brown." and the little dude says " oh! thank god! i thought you said turn around!"
Collection by source
Collection by source
Voodoo Information: The Voodoo FAQ
Voodoo (or Voudoun, Vodou, Vaudoun, Vadu) is an religion based on the beliefs of Africans brought from West Africa to Haiti as slaves. The religion has mixed or syncretized with western traditions including Catholicism. I use "Voodoo" rather than the other forms because that is the American spelling and I'm most interested how "serving the spirits" has moved from Africa to Haiti to the USA and beyond. I agree with using a more Haitian spelling when discussing the religion as practiced in Haiti. Usually Vodou, Voudoun, or Vaudoun is used.Until I write something more, check out The Vodoun Information Pages--an excellent source for more information about Voodoo. I have started a Baron Samedi page with some very basic information and some cool images. There is also Voodoo-L, a mailing list about Voodoo. This lively discussion list discusses Voodoo from many perspectives. Mambo Racine Sans But is one participant with her own Web page. How is Voodoo different in New Orleans?
Again, I need to get writing, until then, see The New Orleans Voodoo Spiritual Temple According to their FAQ, some differences between New Orleans and Haitian Voodoo include the use of live snakes in rituals and the reverence of Dr. John and Marie Laveau, sometimes as highly as loa. On my last trip to N.O. I spoke with people at Island of Salvation botanica, F & F Candle, and the Spiritual Voodoo Temple. I have photos of F & F and Isle of Salvation. All three were very friendly and helpful. I've had Priestess Miriam at the Spiritual Temple do a reading and was very impressed. The timing didn't work out this last trip—but there's always next time.
Island of Salvation Botanica
835 Piety Street
New Orleans, LA 70117
504/948-9961
Voodoo Spritual Temple
828 N. Rampart Street
New Orleans, LA 70116
514/522-9627
F & F Candle
801 N. Broad Street
New Orleans, LA 70119
504/482-9142 My perception is that current Voodoo practices in New Orleans range from candle, herb, and oil hoodoo, to full-scale Voodoo religious rituals. Many Santeria and European elements have been incorporated and practicioneers come from all races and ethnic groups. For example, F & F Candle effectively combines Latin and African traditions. Ava Kay Jones leads the Voodoo Macumba Dance Ensemble in New Orleans and claims both the Voodoo and the Yoruba traditions. Isle of Salvation calls itself a "botanica," traditionally a term used for a Santeria herb and spritual supply store.This kinds of leads into the question of differences and similarities between the various African-Caribbean religious traditions. There really is no clear A in Voodoo = B in Santeria = C in Africa = D in Catholicism kind of chart. Maya Deren has a good "rough" of different Voodoo loas and their origins. If you also read the Gonzalez-Wippler you'll find a santos/saint comparison. By combining the two, plus using other sources, you can come up with some very general comparisons.
What is Santeria and how is it related to Voodoo?
Voodoo and Santeria are both African-based religions adapted and, to varying degrees, syncretized with Catholicism. Both religions used images Catholic saints to represent the African gods, loas, or santos. Sometimes more than just the images are used and a true meld or syncretism occurs. Depending on your viewpoint, you may see the combining of African tradition with Native Caribbean and Catholic religion as something new, invigorating, and well-adapted to Haiti or Cuba (and even the United States). You may also see it as merely a corruption of the "pure" African Yoruba traditions. I've found this link on African Religious Syncretism, an article comparing Santeria, Voodoo and Macumba--favoring Santeria as more "pure" because of the use of Yoruban names and language in the religion. Interesting read. There is also a Brazilian publisher with an Orixa page in Portugese. What is Hoodoo and how is it related to Voodoo?
Hoodoo is a folk version of Voodoo that focuses on the conjuring and herbal magic. Some wouldn't equate Voodoo with Hoodoo, but I'd have to say that hoodoo is a simplifed version of part of the Voodoo focusing on the magical. New Orleans Voodoo is a bridge between Haitian Voodoo and folk hoodoo. New Orleans Voodoo still has religious and ritual elements like Haitian Voodoo, but also puts strong emphasis on gris-gris and magic. New Orleans Voodoo seems to have been reinvigorated when the slaves in St. Dominique revolted and the slaveholders fled, many to French-speaking New Orleans.For more info about hoodoo, see the Lucky Mojo Curio Website and read Voodoo and Hoodoo by Jim Haskins. Where can I find out more about Voodoo?
There are several books about Voodoo, Santeria, Macumba, and related topics. In association with Amazon.com, we've opened a Voodoo Bookstore allowing you to quickly and easily order those hard-to-find books.
-->Where can I find Voodoo info on the Web?
There aren't as many references to Voodoo on the Web as you might think. Most sites are about VooDoo bikes or Jimi Hendrix, not Voodoo the religion.
The Vodoun Information Pages at:http://www.arcana.com/voodoo/voodoo.html are an excellent source for more information about Voodoo. Note: this site now appears down.The New Orleans Voodoo Spiritual Temple now has a page at http://www.gnofn.org/~voodooThe New Orleans Historical Voodoo Museum has a page at http://www.voodoomuseum.com Note: this site now appears down.
Collection by source
Again, I need to get writing, until then, see The New Orleans Voodoo Spiritual Temple According to their FAQ, some differences between New Orleans and Haitian Voodoo include the use of live snakes in rituals and the reverence of Dr. John and Marie Laveau, sometimes as highly as loa. On my last trip to N.O. I spoke with people at Island of Salvation botanica, F & F Candle, and the Spiritual Voodoo Temple. I have photos of F & F and Isle of Salvation. All three were very friendly and helpful. I've had Priestess Miriam at the Spiritual Temple do a reading and was very impressed. The timing didn't work out this last trip—but there's always next time.
Island of Salvation Botanica
835 Piety Street
New Orleans, LA 70117
504/948-9961
Voodoo Spritual Temple
828 N. Rampart Street
New Orleans, LA 70116
514/522-9627
F & F Candle
801 N. Broad Street
New Orleans, LA 70119
504/482-9142 My perception is that current Voodoo practices in New Orleans range from candle, herb, and oil hoodoo, to full-scale Voodoo religious rituals. Many Santeria and European elements have been incorporated and practicioneers come from all races and ethnic groups. For example, F & F Candle effectively combines Latin and African traditions. Ava Kay Jones leads the Voodoo Macumba Dance Ensemble in New Orleans and claims both the Voodoo and the Yoruba traditions. Isle of Salvation calls itself a "botanica," traditionally a term used for a Santeria herb and spritual supply store.This kinds of leads into the question of differences and similarities between the various African-Caribbean religious traditions. There really is no clear A in Voodoo = B in Santeria = C in Africa = D in Catholicism kind of chart. Maya Deren has a good "rough" of different Voodoo loas and their origins. If you also read the Gonzalez-Wippler you'll find a santos/saint comparison. By combining the two, plus using other sources, you can come up with some very general comparisons.
What is Santeria and how is it related to Voodoo?
Voodoo and Santeria are both African-based religions adapted and, to varying degrees, syncretized with Catholicism. Both religions used images Catholic saints to represent the African gods, loas, or santos. Sometimes more than just the images are used and a true meld or syncretism occurs. Depending on your viewpoint, you may see the combining of African tradition with Native Caribbean and Catholic religion as something new, invigorating, and well-adapted to Haiti or Cuba (and even the United States). You may also see it as merely a corruption of the "pure" African Yoruba traditions. I've found this link on African Religious Syncretism, an article comparing Santeria, Voodoo and Macumba--favoring Santeria as more "pure" because of the use of Yoruban names and language in the religion. Interesting read. There is also a Brazilian publisher with an Orixa page in Portugese. What is Hoodoo and how is it related to Voodoo?
Hoodoo is a folk version of Voodoo that focuses on the conjuring and herbal magic. Some wouldn't equate Voodoo with Hoodoo, but I'd have to say that hoodoo is a simplifed version of part of the Voodoo focusing on the magical. New Orleans Voodoo is a bridge between Haitian Voodoo and folk hoodoo. New Orleans Voodoo still has religious and ritual elements like Haitian Voodoo, but also puts strong emphasis on gris-gris and magic. New Orleans Voodoo seems to have been reinvigorated when the slaves in St. Dominique revolted and the slaveholders fled, many to French-speaking New Orleans.For more info about hoodoo, see the Lucky Mojo Curio Website and read Voodoo and Hoodoo by Jim Haskins. Where can I find out more about Voodoo?
There are several books about Voodoo, Santeria, Macumba, and related topics. In association with Amazon.com, we've opened a Voodoo Bookstore allowing you to quickly and easily order those hard-to-find books.
-->Where can I find Voodoo info on the Web?
There aren't as many references to Voodoo on the Web as you might think. Most sites are about VooDoo bikes or Jimi Hendrix, not Voodoo the religion.
The Vodoun Information Pages at:http://www.arcana.com/voodoo/voodoo.html are an excellent source for more information about Voodoo. Note: this site now appears down.The New Orleans Voodoo Spiritual Temple now has a page at http://www.gnofn.org/~voodooThe New Orleans Historical Voodoo Museum has a page at http://www.voodoomuseum.com Note: this site now appears down.
Collection by source
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