iPhone 2.0 or No iPhone 2.0, Device Management Still the Mobile Key

Apple, which certainly knows a good thing when it sees it, is trying to squeeze into the enterprise space with the release of the iPhone 2.0.
This PCWorld.com story says the device supports Microsoft Exchange and offers GPS, faster downloads and other features that will attract business users. The story concludes, however, that the initiative has some enterprise problems. For instance, corporate users may not want to install iTunes, which is necessary to get access to the software developers kit (SDK). Other problems mentioned also seem pretty significant: inadequate tools and lack of a support organization.
I wasn’t thinking of the iPhone 2.0 introduction when I wrote a post last week on mobile device management, but it seems like an even more important topic now that Apple has apparently come only part way into the enterprise mobility tent. Employees are people, and they are attracted by iPhones — and almost certainly will be more tempted to take the leap and use the iPhone for work if it’s marginally more business-friendly. Whether they do or not is an important question. Perhaps even more important is whether companies execute this — or any other — mobile initiative within a mobile device management framework.
Forrester says that somebody should be in charge of managing mobile devices. This person, according to this account in The Wall Street Journal, should be in charge of both the devices and creating the policies to optimize their use. Though the story doesn’t say so, creating policies almost certainly will be a group effort and the subject of much debate in the organization.
Regardless, the lines between business and consumer mobility are blurred. The story quotes a Visage study that says 80 percent of employees with company-supplied devices use them for personal use, and 89 percent of respondents use personal devices for work. The study says corporate policies simply aren’t keeping up with this transition. It doesn’t phrase it this way, but the bottom line finding is that there is a management free-for-all that could come back to haunt the organization.
Cisco is taking a crack at helping organizations better manage assets. Late last month, the company introduced the Cisco 3300 Series Mobility Services Engine (MSE), which is part of Cisco Motion. The MSE features application programming interfaces (APIs) to software applications that will provide enterprises with the ability to manage wired and wireless networks. Cisco also released applications for the MSE focusing on awareness, wireless intrusion prevention, client management and intelligent roaming. The company says that many third-party applications, from companies such as Nokia, Oracle, AreoScout, Agito and others will be available.
The key to any mobile device management initiative is a good set of policies. This post at Absolute Software refers to an IT Pro piece on creating such policies. Policies should begin with an audit to find out what the organization’s holdings are. The final policy statement should be easily understood by all.
Issues to be addressed include what employees should do if they lose their device and incentives for quick reporting of lost devices. The policy should say where devices can and can’t connect, what applications can be used, and what type of data can be accessed. The company should support virtual private networks (VPNs) and strong encryption and passwords. There should be procedures for wiping data off lost devices and for discarding those that are no longer used. Finally, procedures should be included for processing devices that belong to employees who are leaving the company.
Glitzy devices are great — from Apple or others — but organizations must be prepared to do the hard and unglamorous work of adequately managing them.

http://www.itbusinessedge.com/blogs/cip/

Finger Yoga

Yoga is an ancient art - known in India for thousands of years.It's basic aims are "spiritual" in nature. However, as a basic component exercises were developed designed to gain and maintain good health - and to purify the body so it would serve as a suitable vehicle.
These exercises form one of the "limbs" of yoga - known as "Hatha Yoga" - which translates roughly as bodily yoga.
Hatha YogaHatha yoga is one of the most fundamental, and remedial forms exercise.It is universal in scope - and can be practiced by anyone. Hatha yoga should be the foundation of any exercise program. In other words, regardless of whether you dance, play sports, practice martial arts, do resistance training - or whatever - you should learn and practice yoga first - for the sake of safety and in order to best attain and maintain good health.
Hatha yoga is centred around static stretching exercises. It includes passive and active stretches.
Finger YogaFinger yoga is hatha yoga for the fingers.Extremities need yoga like every other part of the body. However hands are rarely given much attention in yoga classes - where focus naturally is concentrated on very important areas - such as the spine.
To a certain extent, hands represent a microcosm of the organs of action. They need a slightly different emphasis, perhaps from the other limbs. In particular, they are easier to apply excess force to, and potentially expose more connective tissue to stretching forces.
Mudras"Mudra" is the traditional term for yoga poses involving the hands.Mudras have a range of traditional uses - from meditation aids to symbolic gestures; from healing poses to dance moves; from invocations to prayers.
However relatively few of them correspond closely to the asanas of hatha yoga.
Much of the literature associated with healing and therapy using mudras deals with effects of mudras on distant parts of the body - in a manner rather reminiscent of reflexology. It seems unlikely that much of this material is very well founded.
While the yoga asanas map fairly closely to effective stretching and strengthing exercises, mudras covered by the existing literature do not appear to cover this ground very effectively.

http://www.herbalhealing.co.uk/yoga_finger.htm

Types of Yoga

The Sanskrit word yoga stems from the verbal root yuj meaning "to yoke" or "to unite." Thus, in a spiritual context, yoga stands for "training" or "unitive discipline." The Sanskrit literature contains numerous compound terms ending in -yoga. These stand for various yogic approaches or features of the path. The following is a descriptive list of forty such terms. Not all of these form full-fledged branches or types of Yoga, but they represent at least emphases in diverse contexts. All of them are instructive insofar as they demonstrate the vast scope of Hindu Yoga.
Abhâva-Yoga: The unitive discipline of nonbeing, meaning the higher yogic practice of immersion into the Self without objective support such as mantras; a concept found in the Purânas; cf. Bhâva-Yoga
Adhyâtma-Yoga: The unitive discipline of the inner self; sometimes said to be the Yoga characteristic of the Upanishads
Agni-Yoga: The unitive discipline of fire, causing the awakening of the serpent power (kundalinî-shakti) through the joint action of mind (manas) and life force (prâna)
Ashtânga-Yoga: The unitive discipline of the eight limbs, i.e., Râja-Yoga or Pâtanjala-Yoga
Asparsha-Yoga: The unitive discipline of "noncontact," which is the nondualist Yoga propounded by Gaudapâda in his Mândûkya-Kârikâ; cf. Sparsha-Yoga
Bhakti-Yoga: The unitive discipline of love/devotion, as expounded, for instance, in the Bhagavad-Gîtâ, the Bhâgavata-Purâna, and numerous other scriptures of Shaivism and Vaishnavism
Buddhi-Yoga: The unitive discipline of the higher mind, first mentioned in the Bhagavad-Gîtâ
Dhyâna-Yoga: The unitive discipline of meditation
Ghatastha-Yoga: The unitive discipline of the "pot" (ghata), meaning the body; a synonym for Hatha-Yoga mentioned in the Gheranda-Samhitâ
Guru-Yoga: The unitive discipline relative to one's teacher
Hatha-Yoga: The unitive discipline of the force (meaning the serpent power or kundalinî-shakti); or forceful unitive discipline
Hiranyagarbha-Yoga: The unitive discipline of Hiranyagarbha ("Golden Germ"), who is considered the original founder of the Yoga tradition
Japa-Yoga: The unitive discipline of mantra recitation
Jnâna-Yoga: The unitive discipline of discriminating wisdom, which is the approach of the Upanishads
Karma-Yoga: The unitive discipline of self-transcending action, as first explicitly taught in the Bhagavad-Gîtâ
Kaula-Yoga: The unitive discipline of the Kaula school, a Tantric Yoga
Kriyâ-Yoga: The unitive discipline of ritual; also the combined practice of asceticism (tapas), study (svâdhyâya), and worship of the Lord (îshvara-pranidhâna) mentioned in the Yoga-Sûtra of Patanjali
Kundalinî-Yoga: The unitive discipline of the serpent power (kundalinî-shakti), which is fundamental to the Tantric tradition, including Hatha-Yoga
Lambikâ-Yoga: The unitive discipline of the "hanger," meaning the uvula, which is deliberately stimulated in this yogic approach to increase the flow of "nectar" (amrita) whose external aspect is saliva
Laya-Yoga: The unitive discipline of absorption or dissolution of the elements prior to their natural dissolution at death
Mahâ-Yoga: The great unitive discipline, a concept found in the Yoga-Shikhâ-Upanishad where it refers to the combined practice of Mantra-Yoga, Laya-Yoga, Hatha-Yoga, and Râja-Yoga
Mantra-Yoga: The unitive discipline of numinous sounds that help protect the mind, which has been a part of the Yoga tradition ever since Vedic times
Nâda-Yoga: The unitive discipline of the inner sound, a practice closely associated with original Hatha-Yoga
Pancadashânga-Yoga: The unitive discipline of the fifteen limbs (pancadasha-anga): (1) moral discipline (yama), (2) restraint (niyama), (3) renunciation (tyâga), (4) silence (mauna), (5) right place (desha), (6) right time (kâla), (7) posture (âsana), (8) root lock (mûla-bandha), (9) bodily equilibrium (deha-samya), (10) stability of vision (dhrik-sthiti), (11) control of the life force (prâna-samrodha), (12) sensory inhibition (pratyâhâra), (13) concentration (dhâranâ), (14) meditation upon the Self (âtma-dhyâna), and (15) ecstasy (samâdhi)
Pâshupata-Yoga: The unitive discipline of the Pâshupata sect, as expounded in some of the Purânas
Pâtanjala-Yoga: The unitive discipline of Patanjali, better known as Râja-Yoga or Yoga-Darshana
Pûrna-Yoga: The unitive discipline of wholeness or integration, which is the name of Sri Aurobindo's Yoga
Râja-Yoga: The royal unitive discipline, also called Pâtanjala-Yoga, Ashtânga-Yoga, or Râja-Yoga
Samâdhi-Yoga: The unitive discipline of ecstasy
Sâmkhya-Yoga: The unitive discipline of insight, which is the name of certain liberation teachings and schools referred to in the Mahâbhârata
Samnyâsa-Yoga: The unitive discipline of renunciation, which is contrasted against Karma-Yoga in the Bhagavad-Gîtâ
Samputa-Yoga: The unitive discipline of sexual congress (maithunâ) in Tantra-Yoga
Samrambha-Yoga: The unitive discipline of hatred, as mentioned in the Vishnu-Purâna, which illustrates the profound yogic principle that one becomes what one constantly contemplates (even if charged with negative emotions)
Saptânga-Yoga: The unitive discipline of the seven limbs (sapta-anga), also known as Sapta-Sâdhana in the Gheranda-Samhitâ: (1) six purificatory practices (shat-karma), (2) posture (âsana), (3) seal (mudrâ), (4) sensory inhibition (pratyâhâra), (5) breath control (prânâyâma), (6) meditation (dhyâna), and (7) ecstasy (samâdhi)
Shadanga-Yoga: The unitive discipline of the six limbs (shad-anga), as expounded in the Maitrâyanîya-Upanishad: (1) breath control (prânâyâma), (2) sensory inhibition (pratyâhâra), (3) meditation (dhyâna), (4) concentration (dhâranâ), (5) examination (tarka), and (6) ecstasy (samâdhi)
Siddha-Yoga: The unitive discipline of the adepts, a concept found in some of the Tantras
Sparsha-Yoga: The unitive discipline of contact; a Vedantic Yoga mentioned in the Shiva-Purâna, which combines mantra recitation with breath control; cf. Asparsha-Yoga
Tantra-Yoga: The unitive discipline of the Tantras, a kundalinî-based Yoga
Târaka-Yoga: The unitive discipline of the "deliverer" (târaka); a medieval Yoga based on light phenomena
Yantra-Yoga: The unitive discipline of focusing the mind upon geometric representations (yantra) of the cosmos.

http://www.herbalhealing.co.uk/yoga_types.htm

Yoga Positions

Yoga has simple and effective body movements that strengthen one's back, firm the stomach, and redistribute body weight. Yoga exercises stretch and tone the body muscles. They increase endurance and improve flexibility.
Yoga positions (asanas) are the best among all exercises for toning muscles, lubricating joints and massaging the body. Yoga postures bring physical as well as mental stability, health and vigor. These asanas were developed thousands of years ago and have evolved over centuries. They work wonders in keeping the body healthy and the mind peaceful. Asanas exercise the nerves, glands, ligaments, and muscles. In other words, yoga exercises are the most comprehensive method of self care. Although asanas are very powerful, the effect becomes dramatic when they are done the right way. The mind must be in harmony with the body movements. For this it is essential to equip yourself with the other tools of Integral Yoga. Be kind to yourself when you practice yoga. Go slowly, especially in the beginning, and listen to your body. It knows what it can do. If it says "stop," stop. Don't push it. Yoga is not a competitive sport. You don't win points for matching a picture in a book (or on a website). If you push too hard, you probably won't enjoy it, and you may hurt yourself. Whenever possible, work with a teacher, and use books, videos and websites to supplement your classroom instruction. Most of all, stick with it. If you practice, you will improve. And you will feel better.
3 easy to learn postures
Sit/Easy Position - Sukhasana
A starting position that helps focus awareness on breathing and the body; helps strengthen lower back and open the groin and hips. Sit cross-legged with hands on knees. Focus on your breath. Keep your spine straight and push the sit bones down into the floor. Allow the knees to gently lower. If the knees rise above your hips, sit on a cushion or block. This will help support your back and hips. Take 5-10 slow, deep breaths. On the next inhale, raise your arms over your head. Exhale and bring your arms down slowly. Repeat 5-7 times.
Mountain - Tadasana
Improves posture, balance and self-awareness.A deceptive pose in that it appears so simple that some students may ask - "why bother?" But just as there's more to breathing than meets the eye, there is more to standing, too.Stand with feet together, hands at your sides, eyes looking forward. Raise your toes, fan them open, then place them back down on the floor. Feel your heel, outside of your foot, toes and ball of your foot all in contact with the floor. Tilt your pubic bone slightly forward. Raise your chest up and out, but within reason - this isn't the army and you're not standing at attention. Raise your head up and lengthen the neck by lifting the base of your skull toward the ceiling. Stretch the pinky on each hand downward, then balance that movement by stretching your index fingers. Push into the floor with your feet and raise your legs, first the calves and then the thighs.Breathe. Hold the posture, but try not to tense up. Breathe. As you inhale, imagine the breath coming up through the floor, rising through your legs and torso and up into your head. Reverse the process on the exhale and watch your breath as it passes down from your head, through your chest and stomach, legs and feet.Hold for 5 to 10 breaths, relax and repeat.On your next inhale, raise your arms over head (Urdhava Hastasana) and hold for several breaths. Lower your arms on an exhale.As a warm up, try synchronizing the raising and lowering of your arms with your breath - raise, inhale; lower, exhale. Repeat 5 times.
Forward Bend or Extension - Uttanasana II
Stretches the legs and spine, rests the heart and neck, relaxes mind and bodyBegin standing straight in Mountain pose or Tadasana. Inhale and raise the arms overhead. Exhale, bend at the hips, bring the arms forward and down until you touch the floor. It's okay to bend your knees, especially if you're feeling stiff. Either grasp your ankles or just leave your hands on the floor and breathe several times. Repeat 3-5 times. On your last bend, hold the position for 5 or 10 breaths. To come out of the pose, curl upward as if pulling yourself up one vertebrae at a time, stacking one on top of another, and leaving the head hanging down until last.
Variations
1. Follow the instructions for the basic pose described above, but instead of holding the pose for several breaths, come up on the inhale. Extend your arms forward as your rise until you are standing straight and your arms are overhead. Exhale and bend forward. Repeat the process 5 times.2. Go into the pose and take 3 deep breaths. Inhale and raise your head, but keep your hands on the floor. Hook each index finger around each big toe, exhale and come down. Hold for several breaths3. Inhale and raise your head, again keeping your hands on the floor. This time, slide your hands under your feet so that the tips of your toes are touching heel of your hands. Hold for several breaths.4. After bending forward, fold your arms and hang for as long as is comfortable. A very relaxing pose.5. To come out of the pose, curl upward as if pulling yourself up one vertebrae at a time, stacking one on top of another, and leaving the head hanging down until last.

http://www.herbalhealing.co.uk/yoga_positions.htm

Introduction to Yoga

The word YOGA is derived from the Sanskrit root Yog meaning to bind, to connect, to join, attach and yoke. It thus means a union or communion of the soul to God. Yoga is a complete science of the human being. It takes into account the physical, spiritual and metaphysical aspects of man.Practiced for more than 5000 years, yoga is one of the oldest forms of healing therapy, yoga provides one of the best means of self-improvement and attaining one's full potential. In the advanced stages of yoga, superconscious states are attained which result in a feeling of bliss, deep peace and the emergence of psychic powers.
Yoga was developed and perfected over the centuries by philosophers and mystics in India. It is basically a method by which we increase the body's supply of energy and remove any interference to the transmission of energy throughout the body. Yoga has specialized in this subject for thousands of years, and streamlined the methods to attain this aim.
These days, yoga classes are being held at most health and wellness centers around the World. Along with meditation, it is probably one of the most popular alternative therapy. Many physicians, who are skeptical about the efficacy of alternative medicine, support yoga with a passion. There are many clinical studies that show the effectiveness of yoga. And the best part of it is that it is something that can be done in the comfort of your home. A few breathing exercises recommended by yoga will go a long way towards better health and relaxation.

Yoga Positions Finger Yoga Yoga Types

Biography - David Blaine: the Man, the Magician

David Blaine was born April 4, 1973 in Brooklyn New York. In his life he has gone by several last names; Blaine is his middle name. Patrie White, his single mother, raised him while taking on as many as three jobs. He never met his real father. At age four he saw a magician perform in a subway; he then decided to purchase his first trick, The Pencil Through the Card. Magic struck him because of its relationship with math and science. David's grandmother was a gypsy, and passed down some tarot cards to him. Since he did not have the money to go to a magic shop, he spent countless hours in libraries researching magic. There he would read every book he could get his hands on and continued fiddling with his tarot cards. At age five, he learned what his dream was; after showing a neighbor an effect with the tarot cards, he saw for the first time the impact magic can have emotionally on people. He immediately told his mom he wanted to be a showman. She encouraged him in everyway.
At ten his mother got remarried to John Bukalo, a banker, and moved to Jerseyville. His half-brother Michael was born. He began to develop an interest in acting. He traveled to Manhattan everyday to attend an acting school. He did a few commercials and small appearances on soap operas. At sixteen, David Blaine levitated for his doctor who immediately took him in for examination. A year later he moved back to New York and lived in Hell's Kitchen. When David was 21, his mother died of ovarian cancer. She was 48 and they were very close. It was then that he devoted his life to magic.
Magic got into David. He was your regular street magician who got gigs at rich parties. Because of his talent and uncanny character, he was able to draw up connections to ABC. After seeing a tape of his magic, they requested an interview and began planning a special. David Blaine: Street Magic, his first special, was the beginning of a new era. The special was not about disappearing tigers and thick stage lights; it was the streets, real people, and David. This had never been done before. The show was an instant success. People still talk about David Blaine's levitation. At only 24 years old, David Blaine became famous.
David has dated Madonna, Fiona Apple, and model Josie Moran. He was last heard dating the German former model Manon von Gerkan. He told Howard Stern he still seems to be close to all of his ex's. He has also had a close friendship with Leonardo DiCaprio. He has performed magic before and after he became famous to such people as Al Pacino, Jack Nicholson, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mike Tyson, and President Clinton. He has also made guest appearances on nearly every major talk show of the decade including Oprah, Conan O'Brien, Rosie, Carson Daily, and Howard Stern. Even Comedy Central's SouthPark has an episode featuring him.
David Blaine became a stuntman after his idol, Houdini. His first stunt, getting buried alive for seven days, had the approval of Houdini's granddaughter. He did the stunt to promote his second special, David Blaine: Magic Man. According to a letter Magic Directory received, David Blaine: Magic Man was named after an old website. Since then, David has been frozen alive, trapped standing on a poll over a hundred feet from the ground, and viewed hanging from a crane over the River Thames bridge in London. He likes to get trapped in secluded areas with no food. Each stunt seems to be more dangerous. David Blaine will probably continue performing magic and stunts to his 'audience' for the rest of his life.
http://www.magicdirectory.com/blaine/biography.shtml

David Blaine, the early years of the Magic Man

"You don't get into magic. Magic gets into you." -David Blaine, 1998
On April 04, 1973, Patrice White gave birth to her first son, David Blaine. As a supportive single mother, she would raise him to the best of her ability, encouraging him to pursue his childhood dreams. Living on the streets of Brooklyn, New York, the two shared a close bond. The young boy would never meet his true biological father, only learning about him through stories and rumors. David's mother would be the most influential role model in his life
Four-year-old David Blaine experienced magic for the first time while waiting for a subway to arrive. Standing with his mother, he witnessed a stranger perform miracles for random passerby at the station. Eventually, the street magician let the curious little boy assist in an astonishing effect.
Threading a shoelace through a borrowed ring, the performer made young David Blaine close his little hand around them. There was no conceivable way the ring could escape the lace while he held everything tightly. The magician made a gesture over David's fist, and the boy's eyes widened with shock. Inside his own hand, he felt the ring melt through the shoelace, penetrating straight through its middle. He slowly opened his hand, one finger at a time, to discover the wedding band. off the string.
Inspired by this encounter, Blaine would strive to amaze people from that moment on. Given an old deck of Tarot Cards as a gift, he would study and practice basic sleight of hand at local libraries to become a riveting center of attention at family get-togethers and gatherings. His eccentricity and talent developed at an early age.
Old Man on the Street
"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious." -Albert Einstein
Appearing rather lonely at times, Old Man Marlow would sit on his apartment stoop during the late hours of the day, and stare off into space. His blank stare never expressed a hint of emotion or kindness. He sat on the same step, always holding a lit cigarette, but he never appeared to smoke. Naturally, this strangeness would make children avoid his presence and adults ignore him. The sight of Old Man Marlow, however, sparked a curiosity in young David Blaine that he wanted to explore.
While walking home from school one day, David Blaine met the senile man upon his stoop, holding his cigarette and looking intently at the building across the street. Intrigued by Old Man Marlow's lack of emotion, David took out 52 "personal friends" in attempt to put a little magic into his mundane life. Eventually, the man's fixed stare directed itself toward a naïve boy playing with a deck of cards.
"Would you like to see a some magic?" asked David with a quiet smile on his face. Before Marlow could answer, he found himself choosing a card from the deck, the seven of spades. David took the old man's cigarette, and in plain view, pushed it straight through the card, burning a hole in the middle. The image was unforgettable; Old Man Marlow began to smile.
When the young boy pulled the cigarette out of the seven of spades however, the card visually healed itself - completely. Impossibly, the card was as good as new, and David gave it to the Old Man as a gift. When he couldn't find any flaws with the card, Marlow screamed and laughed in awe as he ran into his home with pure excitement. The imaginative Brooklyn boy succeeded in revealing a side of Old Man Marlow no one ever knew existed. This is what magic does.http://www.1streetmagic.com/david_blaine/david-blaine-early-history.htm

Jokes - What's So Funny?

A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to the blonde, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!" He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "Oh you think that's funny? Watch this!" He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car. When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires. Now she's laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire. He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down. "What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde. She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle."

http://www.jokesgallery.com/joke.php?joke=961&id=1

Jokes - Bank Robbery

A blonde and a brunette decided to rob a bank. They quickly devised a good plan and they put their plan to action. The brunette drove up to the front of the bank that they had decided to rob. She turned to the blonde and asked her, "Now, do you remember what the plan is?" The blonde sighed and replied, "Yeah, yeah, I remember..." The brunette went over the plan once more and let the blonde out to do her stuff. Before the blonde could shut the door, the brunette yelled out, "Be sure to be in and out in no more than 5 minutes!" The blonde ran inside and the brunette waited in the car... and waited... and waited... and waited... and waited. After waiting for so long in the car, the blonde bursts out of the bank's doors, the alarm blaring loud enough to wake everyone up. The blonde was lugging a bank safe behind her by a rope tied around it. A security guard ran out of the bank, his pants down around his ankles and attempting to reach his gun. The blonde breathed heavily as she tried to put the safe in the car but finally just gave up and dropped the safe behind. She ran into the passenger seat and pulled the door shut, the car already moving. The security guard yelled, "Stop! Stop!" while the pair drove off, leaving the safe with rope tied tightly around it behind. The brunette frantically asked the blonde, "What the hell happened in there?!?" The blonde was panting and turned to the brunette and choked out, "What do you mean? I followed the plan exactly!" The brunette paused and yelled, "YOU IDIOT! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TIE UP THE GUARD AND BLOW THE SAFE!"

http://www.jokesgallery.com/joke.php?joke=2415&id=1

JOkes - A Night In Mexico

Three women go down to Mexico one night, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before. The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I am from Grace University, and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent," They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her. The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words, "I am from the Creighton School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again, they all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her. The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the University of Alabama, Huntsville and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell you right now, you ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in."
http://www.jokesgallery.com/joke.php?joke=4667&id=1

Jokes - Head and Shoulders

A blonde and a burnett are catching up ofter having not seen each other for a while, the burnett says to the blonde, "I'm married to Kenny now." The blonde replies, "Really, I used to date him. Isn't he the one with the really bad dandruf?" "Yeah," answered the burnett, "but I fixed that, I gave him head and shoulders." The blonde looked really confused and after a few moments asked, "How do you give Shoulders?"

http://www.jokesgallery.com/joke.php?joke=5080&id=1

Jokes - Sleeping Pills

An exhausted looking blonde dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep." "I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over." "Great," the blonde answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot." A few weeks later the blonde returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!" "I don't understand how that could be", said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!" "That may be true," answered the blonde wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hard getting him to swallow the pill!"

Jokes - Maths And Logic

There are two nuns. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants. SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us. SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most.What can we do? SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster. SM: It's not working SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too. SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute. SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both. So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives... SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened! SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me. SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then? SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could. SM: And? SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me. SM: What did you do? SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up. SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do? SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants. SM: Oh, no! What happened then? SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down........ (And those of you who thought it would be a dirty ending, Pray for forgiveness you heathens!)